Posting

BTW.....I have been trying to concentrate on getting a schedule back in order around our household so that is why I haven't been posting anything lately!! I promise I will post pictures of our trip tonight!! There are so many! Looing forward to sharing them with you!!

A devotional sent by my mentor

Dealing with Unresolved Disappointment
By Glynnis Whitwer

“‘Take away the stone.’ He said. ‘But Lord,’ said Martha, the sister of the dead man,
‘by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.’”
John 11:39 (NIV)

Devotion:
Mary and Martha’s brother, Lazarus, was sick. Really sick. In fact, they were sure he was close to death. So they called for the one man they knew could heal Lazarus. That was their friend Jesus.

Messengers found Jesus about a day’s journey from the sisters’ home in Bethany. But when Jesus got the message about Lazarus, He didn’t pack up and leave immediately. In fact, Jesus stayed put … for two more days.

It wasn’t that Jesus didn’t care. He did. Jesus didn’t lose track of the time either. No, the Bible tells us that Jesus intentionally delayed going to help saying “… it is for God’s glory, so that God’s son may be glorified through it” (John 11:4 NIV). Jesus had a plan, but Mary and Martha didn’t know that. All they knew was their brother had died and Jesus didn’t come in time.

The sisters were clearly disappointed in Jesus’ lack of response. In fact, they both told Him so. Martha chided Jesus first, then Mary fell at Jesus’ feet and echoed her sister’s words, “Lord if you had been here my brother would not have died.”

Jesus knew their pain. He felt it too. In fact, the Bible says that Jesus wept with them. Together the group of mourners made their way to the tomb, and when they arrived, Jesus made an unusual request – that the stone in front of the opening be removed.

The sisters were shocked. Why would Jesus make this request? Didn’t He realize how bad the body would smell? Martha even told Jesus so, perhaps to “remind” Him that her brother had been dead for four long days.

Mary and Martha were devastated. Not only had their brother died, but they knew Jesus could have changed the outcome of their brother’s illness. In their minds, Jesus abandoned them in their time of greatest need. The sisters were grieving the loss of their brother, but I wonder if they were grieving because Jesus hadn’t done what they asked. In fact, they were so sad and discouraged, when Jesus made a move to help, they wanted to leave the stone in front of the tomb.

Have you ever been disappointed with God’s apparent lack of response? I have. It’s disheartening when you know God could immediately change the outcome of your circumstances, but He seems absent. So there you sit, in the pain, grief and fear while God delays.

Martha even seems to have given up and accepted her grief and disappointment. She was ready to live with the “fact” that Jesus didn’t care enough to heal Lazarus.

However that “fact” couldn’t have been further from the truth. As the sisters gave in and moved the stone, Jesus showed them just how much He loved them. In a loud voice Jesus called, “Lazarus, come out!”

Jaws dropped, hearts pounded, wails turned to screams of joy as a formerly dead man walked out of the tomb … very much alive. Jesus had never ignored their cry for help. He didn’t disregard their pain. He hadn’t abandoned them. He had a plan that included a delay.

Sometimes God’s plans for us might include a delay. As we wait, may we learn from this story to not give up, to not accept grief as our lot in life and to expect God to turn our mourning into joy. Remember, He’s coming right on time.

Dear Lord, please forgive me for all the times I have given up on You, and believed You have abandoned me to suffer. Help me to trust that You have a plan to bring about my healing, and bring joy back to my life, even though it may not look like what I had asked for. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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A very encouraging message!! But for those of you who don't know the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and savior can't understand that He does bring comfort and healing even though the very worst of circumstances that take place in our life. Even though trials and tribulations happen we as Christians can still have unspeakable joy through it all!!

Have a blessed day ~ always looking up~ Christina

spring break

Most of you probably know, the kids and I headed out to Florida last Saturday morning. It took us @ 11 hours but we made it in safe and sound and with only a few more gray hairs.(na I'm kidding) The kids were great just a few arguments here and there. Thanks to the GPS system that I borrowed from a friend made the trip sooooo much easier. I didn't have to look for road signs or at a map at all!! Thanks for letting me borrow it, you were a life saver. I will definitely have to invest in one of them before our trip to PA.

Lets see I will try to fill you all in on how our trip has been so far.......
Sunday.....we got up and went to church at Cinco Baptist and saw many friends that we hadn't seen in a very long time. After church we went to my Aunts and visited with my cousins that were in town from Mississippi and Washington State. After lunch the kids played in the tree house which is not in a tree but on big stilts.....you can fit a car in there. Their was a zip line we all played in too..yes even me! I love to be silly and have fun! you only live once. Then we took the kids to the beach. They had a blast even though the water was absolutely freezing!!!! I have pictures but will have to post them another time because I am on someone elses computer.

Monday....We all went horseback riding, even Bennett! He loved it, once I took him for a ride around the arena. He even trotted some.
After that we went to Aaron's old squadron and had a personal tour of the aircraft that he use to fly on here in FL. It was a AC-130 U Gunship. The guys at the squadron treated us like royalty. They gave the kids t-shirts, hats, keychains, ID holders, candy, drinks, pretty much anything they wanted they got! We were there for 2 1/2 hours. We even got to meet with the commander. He just so happened to be someone that Aaron and I knew very well. He presented me with Aaron's mug from the squadron. I got all teary eyed. then we went and visited with our old neighbors.

Tuesday.....I was so tired that morning so I slept in a little. Then I made all kids of cookies and things to take to the squadron for the guys who really made us feel special. Then we went to the park and the kids played for sometime together. I played with them for a little bit and then just observed them playing together and with other kids. Why is it so easy for children to go up to another child and have a conversation with them and introduce themselves and it is so hard for us adults to do so? When does that fear of rejection start? I think it might start around the age of 8 or so, because my 2 older boys wouldn't go up to any other kids. After the park we went to Ned's and Rhonda's for Thai dinner. It is a tradition for us to go their house and eat Thai food when we come into town. Rhonda I guess that means I wouldn't be able to move back because then we wouldn't get to eat Thai food when I come to visit. :)

Wednesday..... We met my cousin and her kids and another friend of mine from her that is visiting from Kansas for Hibachi. It was wonderful!! Lanie was the only one that was afraid of the whole experience of having them cook in front of you. Once he was done she was just fine! After that we went top to the science museum but they were about to close so we will have to go back another time. We came home and just relaxed and then wet out to my dad's for dinner and visiting. Once we left his house I noticed a car on the side of the road...after I passed I realized that there was someone trying to change a tire. So, I made a u-turn and parked where they could see from the light that my headlights gave off. They were very appreciative. I remember stopping numerous times with Aaron to help people with flat tires. I couldn't help these two guys with changing the tire but, they couldn't see... so when I showed up with the head lights... I gave them everything that they needed at that very moment. Its kind of what God does for us. He gives us exactly what we need, not what we think we need, but what we need at that very moment in our lives!!!
~always looking up~ Christina

surprise phone call

It was 7 AM and I received a call this morning. I never get calls that early in the morning. It was actually a nice surprise. It was Aaron's former boss from the GCC(Group Control Center). He thought he woke me up but, I was just laying in bed thinking that I didn't want to get up when he called. He had some wonderful news!! He told me that he made Senior Master Sargent and that he owed it to Aaron. He said the funny thing was that the night before he found out that he had made it he had a dream. He dreamt that Aaron was pinning it on him. He also told me that he told Aaron that he was wrong and Aaron said no. Red told me that when he moved here that he had a bad attitude and didn't even want to be in the military any more and that Aaron always encouraged him to press on.

Red expressed to me that his life has changed through Aaron's death and now through this promotion, which he gives alot of the credit to Aaron for. He also said that he never realized how your life can change in a single moment...... whether it be a death, a promotion, an illness, it all affects our life in different ways and changes us. Boy do we know this all too well!

Congratulations to you Red!! Make Aaron and everyone else proud but, most of all make Our Heavenly Father Proud! ~Keep Looking up!~ God Bless you all..... Christina

Florida Bound

I took the kids to school today and came home to pack for our trip to FLORIDA and do lots of other things around the house. I am so excited to get away from everything!!! I am looking forward to seeing my family and my friends! I have almost everything at this point packed with the help of Brandy and Chris. They came over this evening and helped me out. Brandy cooked an amazing dinner while Chris kept the kids occupied so I could finish up packing and getting the boys motivated to help pick up, pack and get their homework done. After dinner I started cleaning up the kitchen and Chris came over and physically removed me form doing the dishes and took over. He knew that I had more to do and that he could help by finishing the kitchen. Thanks Chris that was awesome. The kids loved playing with him!! After they left I paid bills talked to a few friends and took a shower. A shower will make you feel like a different person! I sit here writing this thinking of all of the things that I want to go and do in Florida. humm I better call it a night.

information on my appt

As I drove into the parking lot of the courthouse I started felling this overwhelming felling of loss. I started feeling like I am not in a bad dream after all.... this is my life now and it is real. I sat in my car with Beth and just prayed. I prayed that I would know what to say, I prayed that what they would tell me would be positive, and that I could keep myself composed during the meeting. The meeting was very informative about what might take place and the sentencing and possibly a trial. I found out that I will actually have to be there at the trial and I will have to speak! Not about the accident but, how Aaron's death has affected us each individually and as a family. I am not sure how I will be able to do this, especially in front if the girl who ran the stop sign that day back in October. Just thinking about it now gets me teary eyed. The trial, if it happens, will either be April or June. In May I have planned a trip to go to PA for Memorial Day to visit Aaron's grave site and to spend time with his family. I am not going to go into any more details about this because I do not know who reads this blog and I don't want to say anything that I shouldn't be.

For the 1st time I started feeling angry that all of this is happening. I know that anger is one of the grief stages but, I hadn't really felt much of that until yesterday. I have felt a little of it in the past but nothing like yesterday. I even got upset and defensive with a friend of mine yesterday afternoon and there was no need to. Just in case you read this from way over where you are, I'm sorry.

Thank you to all of you who prayed for me specifically yesterday morning.
~Always Looking up~ Christina

Appt with Attorney

I have so many things that I want to write on here today...but the thing that I am needing the most right now is prayer. Tomorrow(wed) at 10AM I will be meeting with the persecuting attorney for Aaron's case. I don't know what they want or what they will ask of me at all. I am going in there blind. I will post more tomorrow about Samuel's basketball game and other things but this is heavy on my heart right now. Thanks so much....Christina

adversity and blessings

I was sent this by a friend of mine because I shared with her a decision that was made this morning by a couple that knew Aaron. I don't believe they knew him well but I have gotten to know them since Aaron's passing. He came forward to proclaim Jesus as his Savior this morning during worship service and she did as well. When I went up to them to tell them how happy I was and that they made the best choice that they would ever make in their lives she said to me she was glad I was there and Thank you. I was confused! I told her not to thank me because I did nothing. The she said that Aaron's death started a work in them both. I know that the Lord uses every thing, even our adversity, for good (even though we might not see the good)to give Him the honor and praise through it all.

Here is the devotion that she sent....

Comforting Others
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2,
by Os Hillman03-09-2008

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God" (2 Cor 1:3-4).

I was 14 years old in September 1966. I was home watching I Dream of Jeannie on television when the program was interrupted by a news bulletin: "Three prominent local businessmen have died in a plane crash in the mountains of Tennessee." That's how I learned of the death of my father.

It was difficult and painful growing up without a father. I loved and needed my dad. I couldn't understand why God would take him away from me so suddenly. I certainly didn't see the death of my father as a "blessing" in any sense of the word. Yet I have seen blessings come out of that terrible tragedy. In the years since my father died, God has brought a number of men across my path that have lost fathers at an early age. Because of my own loss, I had an instant connection with others who suffered similar losses. We shared an experience that other people couldn't fully understand.

I went through a seven year period where I experienced major financial problems. I can't say that it was a blessing to go through those seven years of adversity, but God has used my trial to bring blessing to other people. It actually was a catalyst to move me into a whole new calling. When I meet someone who is going through a business failure or a financial loss, there's an instant bond between us of shared experience.

God can take our adversity—a heart attack, cancer, an automobile accident, violent crime, bankruptcy, a marriage crisis, the loss of a loved one—and transform that pain into encouragement for the people around us. We come out of those experiences stronger and better able to comfort others.

Although adversity may never be a blessing, God in His grace can bring blessing out of our adversity. The key is releasing the hurt and pain to the Lord so He can bring the needed healing to our lives. Why not give your circumstance to the Lord today and let Him use it in the lives of others. This will be the first step toward healing.


Samuel and I read this together and it seemed as if it calmed his spirit.(at least for the time being) We will never understand Why but I know that HE is using all of the adversities in our life to be blessings to others!

~always looking up~ Christina

Too Choose

There are so many things that I want to write on here today, How do I choose?.....How this morning was a blessing to me, How I had an amazing evening last night, How much the sermon encouraged me, and how Aaron's life and death is still touching others even 5 months later.

When you loose someone who was so close to you, you wonder if others still think upon their small existence here on earth and how they person touched lives. If we are blessed to live 1 year or 100 years it is still a small existence compared to spending eternity in Heaven with our Lord and savior or spending eternity in Hell. We ultimately have a choice in the matter. We have a choice to accept the precious gift of Jesus Christ that will allow us to enter the gates of Heaven one day or the choice not to choose him. Either way you are making a choice.

It is amazing the ultimate sacrifice that God gave us by sending his SON Jesus Christ to die on a cross thousands of years ago for us! He didn't have to do that. None of us are worthy enough to have someone do that for us but yet he did.

~always looking up~ Christina

Who we touch

This post is really for a particular individual. On Wed I was having some issues and some bouts of depression and hopelessness. I shared this with a very close friend of mine in FL.(Rhonda thanks for always being there to listen to me) God is so good!!! That same day I received a note from different friend that lives in AZ. ( the two of them do not know each other at all) She had no idea how I had been feeling that particular day. I mean how could she have known, I only spoke to Rhonda around 11 that morning and the note was in my mail box that afternoon!

Here is what my friend had written in the note.....

Christina~ I hope this finds you well. I have enjoyed reading your blog & been so touched by your strength and endurance. Each time I read about your day and the stories of the kids I pray for you all. Once at Central I heard a Sunday School lesson on Faith-Hope-Love with Hope being belief in what has not yet happened. I pray that you not loose Hope and the things that you cherish in your heart/the Hopes and desires you have come to pass and that the Lord be glorified and continue to be magnified in you. I His Love- Ellen

Ellen, You had no idea how I was feeling that day and that I needed exactly that at that very moment! It brought tears to my eyes. Thanks to you and to everyone else who continues to pray for me and my family! This just proves that we never know who we touch with our words, or our by our actions!

~Always looking up~ Christina

Some more snow pics

The kids wanted to get out in the snow again today to finish...I mean fix their snowman. The head fell off last night so they fixed it and had a blast. It wasn't cold out at all so all of the snow will be gone by tonight!

Bennett with all his gear on.

He has to wear his sunglasses every time he goes outside just like his Daddy did.

Bennett getting ready to peg me with a snow ball yet again!
Samuel and Jordan working together to put the finishing touches on. Look real close Lanie is behind the snowman supervising.
How many boys does it take to make a face on a snowman?
Lanie, Logan, Jordan, Samuel, Chandler, and Bennett.

More Snow!!!!

The boys had school off today for a teacher workday and whada know it is calling for 6 inches of snow! When we got up this morning it was raining..... yuck but by say, 11 it was starting to snow. It snowed for 5 to 6 hours. They were in and out of it all day long.

Here is Chandler trying to tag Samuel with a massive snowball. Of course Samuel was getting mad at him instantly.

Here is Bennett trying to get in the house because his hands were freezing!!
Mommy in the house the 2nd time they went out. The 1st time they got me good durring the snowball fight. They all ganged up on me. They even got me down on the ground. No fair!!
After the 1st round of snowball fights the kids came in to play rock band. A friend brought it over for the kids to play. Chandler didn't care to much for it but Samuel loved the guitar. I liked the drums.
Bennett liked the drums!!
Samuel gettin ready to peg someone.
Jordan, Samuel, and Chandler started making a snowman. Bennett riding his scooter again!
They all had to make sure it was packed down.
Here is the snowman with out all his gear. They wanted to find sticks and stones for all of the "parts"
Jordan was done with the snowman...he wanted to throw snowballs some more. Thats just like a boy being all destructive.
They had so much fun today. Samuel said that this was the bast day of his life. I was so glad to see him acting like a 10 yr old boy instead of a grown up!
By the way there are no pictures of Lanie because she was the one taking most of the pictures!

Its Snowing!!! And it might again on Friday!

Its March and Its snowing!!!! Boy what a sight it was to look out the front window from my warm bed. The kids were up at the crack of dawn. Not sure why but they were today and I am so glad because they were able to go out and play in it before school. Yes they had school today....no snow day...haha! Samuel watched the news all morning hoping they wouldn't have to go. Chandler and Bennett went out in the snow 1st. I just watched them from the comfort of my warm bed. Then Lanie got dressed and went out. Samuel never made it out there. I'm not to sure why he didn't but, he played in it at school for recess.

Bennett wanted to ride his scooter out in the snow so I told him sure. He loves that thing. It isn't even his, it is his brothers.

Watch out Mommy here comes a wet one.

He hates it when I try to take his picture when he is doing something. He always yells NO!

The front of our house covered in snow.

The view out the back door looking into our back yard.

Bennett getting another snowball ready.

Watch out Mrs.Kristen....Bennett's got a .....never mind you already got it in the neck. :)

Me and Kristen on my front lawn.....Look what I have in my hand. Maybe they should pay me some royalties for the advertisement?
Here we are at the Old Mill in North Little Rock, AR. This is the oldest working mill in the US. I believe that it was the site where Gone with the wind was shot.
Lanie said " Bennett and I are wearing our sunglasses so that the snow won't get in our eyes"

another sunday

Hey Everyone....long time no blog!! Sorry about that. There is no excuses besides life and that I am really trying to focus on what is most important, which is our Heavenly Father. I am as always looking for guidance and direction from him.

Satan is working overtime tying to get just a little foot in the door in the McCoy family. I have battled with idolatry this week as well as jealousy. I'm not sure why Aaron was taken from us at such a young age but when I read a chapter earlier this week in my bible study it was on idolatry and how things or people can take the place of God in our lives. My struggle is not things, my struggles are people. I looked up to Aaron in many ways and lately I have been questioning if God took him because I held Aaron so high up there. I hope that God wouldn't have taken him because of my feelings toward Aaron, I would hope to think that He would have done something else to wake me up in that situation. I might be dealing with some of the "its my fault grieving issues" now.

Yesterday I needed to go and get shoes for the boys....they are growing like weeds, especially Samuel. So I called 5 different families to see if they could keep the 2 younger kids for me so that I could go just to get shoes but everyone was busy yesterday. (of course they were, it was a beautiful day) So I loaded them up and took them to the store to find shoes. I won't do that again!! The 2 little ones were just being kids but for me it was so embarrassing. All I remember is that it's not fair that I don't have Aaron here to help me with them. I never thought of that as being jealous before but that is what our lesson in SS was on this week and I couldn't help tying the 2 together. Maybe I am jealous of others who have their spouses and I don't. Maybe is just that I am longing to have that back.

Sundays are SOOOOOO hard for me. I cry almost all day long. I feel as though I am being attacked on Sunday's all day, from the time I get up till the time I go to bed. I even feel attacked at church. That is not how it is suppose to be. That is where I am suppose to be the most comfortable and I am not. I know that part of it is that Aaron was always with me there and now he is isn't. Please pray for us especially on Sunday's.

Always looking up...even in the valley ~Christina~